November 18, 2019

Tips For Building A Long Lasting Relationship


The first phase of every relationship is always very magical. 

He holds your hands in public and tells you “babe you look very beautiful” at every chance he gets while she is very obedient, loving and sends you a loving text message at every chance she gets and you both think its going to remain that way for the rest of your lives.


In this article I will be sharing with us the story of James and Toke and outline to us some of the various tips that can help us have a healthy relationship.

To James and Toke it wasn’t love at first, it wasn’t Hollywood romance neither was it Nollywood romance but all the same it was magical.

It was a normal bustling evening in the city of Lagos and everyone was trying to make it home after a hectic day at work. Toke jumped down from the bus and had unknowingly dropped her phone.

Fortunately for her, James was trying to find his way out of the bus when he saw her phone fall. She was so grateful when he handed her the phone. They exchanged phone numbers and agreed to see each other soon.

Their first date was beautiful and consequently they went on series of dates until she found herself saying yes to James proposal. The first two years of their marriage was beautiful. James' held her hand in public and came home with flowers every Friday evening.

On the other hand James was glad he had found the perfect wife of his dreams. She was so loving and understanding. She knew how much he loved surprises and never failed to surprise him in and out of the bedroom. Everything was perfect until  the third year of their marriage. They both realized they were both different entities with many different likes and dislikes. James had just been promoted to the level of branch manager and that meant more work load.

He couldn’t come every Friday night with flowers anymore. He got home feeling very tired from the day’s work and could barely stay up to talk with his wife. Toke was feeling neglected. She didn’t know this man anymore. This wasn’t what she signed up. This wasn’t the man she married. Things were not working as usual. James expected his caring and understanding wife to just understand and stop asking many questions.

Toke expected her loving husband to just talk to her and explain things to her but he wasn’t.

Nothing was perfect anymore, Everything was in chaos. 


You think your forever will be forever magical Growing old together while he tells you look beautiful everyday even when you look very fat and bloated.

And this is the biggest problem that ends over 40% of relationships in the world today, marriages included.

They get into relationships all shacked up with love and they end up thinking that it will remain that way forever. And all of a sudden she doesn’t send you texts like she used to and you are thinking something is wrong. He doesn’t tell you you look beautiful even when you put in all your best to look beautiful for him and you are sitting up at night thinking that probably he has a new girl in his life.

Many of us get into relationships forgetting that we are two different people from two different backgrounds, different upbringings, different likes and dislikes. We forget that we are two different people. And at the beginning of every relationship we put aside all our differences and all we think about is loving your partner.

But what happens when the love we thought would last forever gradually begins to fade away? What happens when all you can see is your partners' flaws? What happens when you realize that you are two different people? Many of us do not know that this happens in every relationship. We do not know that every relationship went through such a phase at some point. You think it is a situation peculiar to them alone and the next thing you are thinking of breaking up or getting a divorce thinking that jumping into the next relationship or the next marriage will be different and end up meeting the same situation.

And you are left wondering if the problem is with them or not when all it really takes is understanding and good communication. Many of us forget that we are all different people raised up in a very different background with different ideas, norms and values.

For example he was raised up to eat meat after food and she was raised to eat meat during meals.

These are two different minor ideas that could lead to a break up. And many would ask why did this issue not come up at the beginning of the relationship? The answer is very simple. A new relationship is like a new toy or a new dress.

When you get a new toy, there is a way it is treated. You treat it with so much love and respect. But then you find out that a while you begin to gradually lose interest in that toy. This is exactly how relationships are, after the phase of love is over then you start seeing and noticing the person's flaws.


How can I make my relationship last longer?


There is a saying that if you don’t want a relationship like the majority then don’t date like the majority.


  • Date someone that you have something in common with.

Don’t date for dating sake. You can’t both like the same thing all round but make sure there are some things you have a common interest in. It may be a football club or book or something that can spark the flame in you. Remember having entirely different likes and wants is not always the best.

  • Guys learn how to talk to your ladies. 
She knows you are going through something buy she just needs to hear you say it. Ladies interpret your silence as “ he doesn’t love me anymore” or “ he is seeing someone else”. Make her understand that you are going through something and you will talk to her when the time is right.

Give her a hug or a kiss. It puts her mind at rest. Ladies a man wants support from you and he expects you to understand that he is not always like this so you should give him his space.

But note that giving him his space doesn’t mean you would ignore me. No. Show him you care probably using sentences like “Babe I’m here for you” or “Babe I appreciate you.” Just show him you really appreciate all he does for you. He has something going on doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to be happy.


Written by: Oke-Etume Zino
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Founder/CEO Isikadi Precious Media Inc. Africa's leading Media Tech company with digital media Superbrand focused on Health, Nursing Updates, News, Entertainment, and Inspiration.

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